What Would It Look Like?

I find it so hard to step into the identity I desire—the one I feel made to become. I have so much insecurity stepping into the new one, and inevitably away from thee old ones. Of course the new one contains fragments of old ones; creative, problem solver, hard worker, ministry, etc. But I want to step into the new one with confidence of my past foundation, not pigeon holed by them.

Ironically my past has built the foundation of my future.

But now I am afraid to put up the walls—or, rather—the windows and doors on the walls, for that would allow people to see and step inside. To learn about who I really am, what I really think and believe… and what I am doing as a result of those beliefs.

I am afraid to let people see the spelling errors, the improper grammar and sentence structure. Or to hear the voice cracks. To learn about the mistakes and regrets of my past. But yet I have the strength to sing?…

“I’m not ashamed, I’m a sinner saved, no, I’m not afraid anymore. What the world calls foolish—you call freedom, now I won’t hold back anymore.” (Martin Smith; Joy).

So which one is it?

The identity of scarcity, of fear and overthinking? … the identity that has only led to regret.

The identity of freedom, of confidence and joy? … the identity I have compartmentalized in specific areas of my life, but never lived to the fullest end.

WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE?

To fully step into the JOY of the Lord?

Can it really be my strength?

Could it be that He has helped me endure this specific time, place, culture, message and context?